Making Mistakes Boldly

Problem and Goal

Ally took a new job in an intense office setting, but felt terrified of making mistakes, which she managed with perfectionism and self-isolating.

Because of her experiences in childhood and young adult life, mistakes were bad. She would be called out and shamed. Presently, any situation where she could make a mistake triggered her intense anxiety and perfectionism.

Inwardly, Ally constantly worried about making mistakes, over-checked her work, and suffered an intense inner critic that made her second and triple check all of her decisions.

Outwardly, she kept away from others, and if she did make a mistake she had to be the one to call herself out and over-apologize to others. She would then self-berate for hours or days afterward.

When she paid attention to her body in work performance situations, she felt immense physical tension. Her voice would tremble and her voice became shaky. Underneath her defenses, Ally felt intense shame, feeling like she would always be less than others. This heart-state reflected the negative core beliefs: I'm stupid and deserve to be punished.

Root Causes

Ally had a bully boss in a previous work setting, but we also uncovered an undiagnosed learning disability. Growing up, she was berated by her teachers and parents rather than supported. These memories were unresolved in her implicit memory system.

Integrating Defenses

Ally benefited from an ego state intervention to integrate her punitive inner critic. With gentleness and compassion, she learned that this part of her was set up at a young age to protect her and give her a sense of control where she felt powerless. She was, in fact, powerless at that age...powerless to change her parents' abusive approach to learning problems, powerless to advocate for just treatment from her school.

She let this part of her know that she was older now, could advocate for herself, and had found emotional safety and guidance from Our Lady.

Her inner critic learned to replace punitiveness with a humble acknowledgment of her shortcomings.

Healing the Core Wound

Healing the core wound involved intensive imagery work where she engaged in needs meeting strategies. After mobilizing resources, she was able to connect with the young girl part of her stuck holding on to the false shame, vulnerability, and anxiety of the past.

Whenever we go through something difficult in life, a part of us will stay stuck until it is resolved.

After working through this little girl part's hesitations, she was finally able to resolve the hurts and unmet needs of the past.

It's Okay to Make Mistakes

After working though the more recent bullying experiences from a former boss, she was ready to seal in a new response to the inevitability of making mistakes at work.

It turns out I was little help in this area, happily.

Merely resolving the stuck heart-state enabled her to unleash the learning she had been doing under the surface for months and years in this area.

Her new approach to making mistakes was to laugh at herself, to make light of them with others, and to become a source of gentleness and compassion to her co-workers.

Her anxiety changed to serenity as she resolved to make mistakes boldly. Her self-acceptance flowed over to her fellow co-workers, who often praised her for her diligence and supportiveness.

In place of her stuck feelings of shame, in her body she felt peace, creative energy, and a confidence that she felt as a strong drive to achieve.

Spiritual Significance

Ally was able to overcome this isolating perfectionistic anxiety with the help of Our Lady. Ally often prayed to the Blessed Mother for wisdom. She found in Our Lady a perfect model to learn true humility and wisdom, especially when it comes to making sense of our human condition.