Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy (DNMS)

The DNMS focuses on healing childhood wounds from negative experiences with parents/caregivers (despite the fact that most are well-meaning).

Meeting unmet developmental needs is the primary way to get the stuck parts of us unstuck. Wounded parts are classified as either acting out recorded scripts from parents, serving a guarded, controlling role, or being powerless reactive parts that hold raw emotions like anger, shame, or fear.

Wounded parts are often triggered by experiences associated with internalized "introjects." When a parent conveys a deeply wounding message to a child, the brain records the parent’s message. Years later, a stressful event can "press play" on that recording, triggering a child part that is stuck reacting to that recording, holding on to the painful emotions that go with it.

Mimicking Introjects adopt the voices, attitudes, and behaviors of critical or rejecting caregivers from the past. They inhibit vulnerability by criticizing or invalidating wounded child parts.

You can recognize them when they play your negative parent/caregiver recordings from the past in response to present day scenarios. For example, when Nancy got a low score on a college exam, it activated her father's message, "You’ll never be good enough," triggering shame in a five-year-old part that coped by sleeping all day.

Another Example of a Mimicking Introject in Action: Imagine a woman who internalized her mother’s critical voice, who often said, “You’re so selfish.” Now, whenever this woman considers prioritizing her own needs, the mimicking introject “replays” her mother’s message, calling her selfish and making her feel guilty. This suppresses her ability to assert herself and may lead to people-pleasing or self-neglect as a way to avoid the shame and discomfort of being labeled selfish.

The DNMS classifies Controlling Reactive Parts as defensive parts that protect wounded child parts by reacting aggressively or defensively. These parts can be suspicious, mistrustful, or even belligerent, often intimidating other parts into "adaptive" (protective) behaviors like pleasing or peacemaking. They act as “hostile guardians,” guarding the system from potential harm by keeping vulnerable parts in line. Sometimes, they represent older child parts that control younger child parts to prevent them from “rocking the boat” or expressing needs that might disrupt the perceived safety of the system.

I most often see these types of parts when someone has undergone physical abuse by their caregiver, or if their caregiver was pretty emotionally volatile/unpredictable.

Powerless Reactive Parts (Wounded Child Parts) carry unmet emotional needs and painful memories from early developmental stages. They are often stuck in memories of neglect or trauma, feeling abandoned, unloved, or unworthy.

When triggered, they may engage in "adaptive" behaviors (like pleasing or peacemaking), or manage painful emotions by "coping" through behaviors such as binge-eating, drinking, sleeping, etc.

DNMS mobilizes a team of Internal Resources (Nurturing Adult Self, Protective Adult Self, and Spiritual Core Self) to provide what the wounded child parts lacked. This takes place in a healing circle.

The process begins by identifying introjects and disentangling them from the recordings/scripts they are acting out (Conference room protocol). Controlling reactive parts are engaged to get permission for healing, allowing the Team of Resources to address and meet the needs of wounded child parts.

The more needs are meet, the more parts heal, and therefore your unwanted behaviors, beliefs, emotions, and urges lessen.

Through DNMS, you develop internal security as wounded child parts integrate with Resource Parts. They experience permanent relief, and develop a cooperative inner system marked by nurturing, validation, and appropriate self-protection.