Using the 7 Desires to Heal your Catholic Heart

One of my clients recently introduced me to this book, the Seven Desires of Every Heart, by Debra Laaser. After a brief review of the desires - just looking at the names - I was struck by the power and wisdom found in this material. The very next week, another client brought up the same book, and rattled through all the insights he was able to achieve just by reflecting with this list of desires. We were able to go deeper into a struggle of his heart that was previously hidden.

Here is a list of the 7 desires with a view for how they affect us as Catholics.

The 7 desires as they apply to the Catholic heart

1. To be heard and understood.

When we feel heard and understood, we are more likely to develop deeper connections with others and experience a greater sense of belonging. As Catholics, we have a deep desire to feel heard and understood by God and by others in the church. We bond through sharing our experiences of feeling ostracized or persecuted in this crazy culture in which we live. And in the Church we can feel understood in a way that we cannot find anywhere else.

2. To be affirmed and validated.

The second desire of the heart has to do with our efforts and accomplishments being recognized and valued by others. As Catholics we desire affirmation and validation from Our Lord and from fellow Catholics. We want to feel like our efforts to live a life of faith are valued and recognized. This type of affirmation is important for us to pursue goals of spiritual growth and service work.

3. To be included and connected.

As members of the Catholic community, we have a deep desire to feel included and connected to others who share the Faith. We want to feel like we belong to a community that supports us and shares our values. Any injury to our parish life, through unexpected drama, can deeply hurt us and can require extensive support to help us regain an openness to this need being met. There can be immense moral injury suffered when a member of the clergy mistreats or neglects to support a Catholic parishioner in a vulnerable place in life.

4. To be safe and protected.

In addition to physical and emotional safety, we want to feel safe and protected by God and by the Church, and to know that our spiritual needs are being met. Does anyone else live in a diocese where problems are starting to limit their access to the Sacraments? Ours is plagued by a shortage of priests and lower church attendance leading to the need to consolidate parishes, as well as financial problems due to the fallout of diocesan sexual abuse lawsuits.

5. To be touched and comforted.

The fifth desire of the heart is to be touched and comforted. We all crave physical touch and comfort, whether it's through a hug, a pat on the back, or simply holding someone's hand. When we are touched and comforted, we are more likely to feel a sense of connection with others and experience greater emotional well-being. As Catholics, we are blessed to be able to meet this desire at a deeper level through the sacraments, such as the Eucharist, the sacrament of Confession (Penance, Reconciliation), the Anointing of the Sick, etc.

6. To be chosen and wanted.

The sixth desire of the heart is to be chosen and wanted. We all want to feel like we are valued and loved by others, and that our presence and contributions are important. When we feel chosen and wanted, we are more likely to develop deep, meaningful relationships and experience a greater sense of fulfillment in our lives. As Catholics, we want to feel like we are chosen by God and by our community to play a meaningful role in the Church and in the world. While God is generous with providing scripture and experiences within personal prayer to meet this desire, sometimes we can struggle to meet this need for each other within a struggling parish or community life.

7. To be blessed and transcendent.

Finally, as faithful Catholics, we have a desire to feel blessed and transcendent, to experience the awe and wonder of God's presence in our lives, and to feel a sense of purpose and meaning in our spiritual journey.

Using the 7 desires to find wounds in need of healing

When these desires are not met well growing up, or if we have experiences opposed to these desires, a part of our heart can stay stuck reacting to the hurt until it is tended to. We often develop mind-based or will-based defenses to control or protect against these wounds and unmet desires. Our sacramental life and participation in the life of the Church can go a long way toward healing these experiences. However, if we have struggles that interfere with our openness to the Church’s resources, we can be doubly challenged to move toward deeper healing and lasting change.

Catholic therapy can help you become aware of the past origins of your struggles with a certain desire. It can also help you do the inner healing work to free you of any identity lies, or false beliefs, that may be affecting your heart. Further, if you have experienced injury from fellow Catholics, working with a Catholic therapist can help you restore a sense of trust, acceptance, and support within the community of faith to which we belong.

If you are interested in learning more, read the book for a reflective, meditative, scripture-based perspective on these things. If you are interested in healing your own unique hurts related to these desires, feel free to get in touch or set up a consult. Peace.