Masks, Costumes, and Recordings: How to Process Parental Introjects

By far one of the most helpful images I've come across for practical work with parts (as in parts of self) is that of the Halloween ghost costume.

Probably the easiest costume to make if you're willing to sacrifice an old white bedsheet. Just cut holes for eyes and you're done.

My kids are blessed with more sophisticated costumes of superheroes and paw patrol pups, which makes it easier for them to act out the emotions, actions, and scripts of their favorite characters.

I should also mention that my twin boys have gotten in the habit of snatching my clothes and shoes out of the closet to run around and act like Papa. That is cute, of course.

But what's not cute is when I hear one of my boys reprimanding his brothers, in the exact same tone and with the exact same phrasing that I use!

In a previous article, I discussed the important role that mirror neurons play in the development of our schemas and scripts about how to be and act in relationships.

It is these mirror neurons that account for how we end up acting and sounding like our parents - for good or ill.

Now, I turn to describing a simple intervention therapists use to help us change these habits.

Parental Introject as Mask or Costume

When my boys are reprimanding each other, they are acting out their father's emotional state and script, which I got from my father, and so on. Their mirror neurons helped them make a recording of me, and, just like they do with superhero masks or costumes, they act out the "frustrated father" script.

Often when clients are examining the origin of their strong emotional reactions, or their dysfunctional coping habits, they get the revelatory insight: I learned this from my mother! (or father, or sibling, or grandparent, etc.).

As I mentioned, as helpful as this insight is, it is even more helpful to know that you can change these habits, even if they have become so ingrained as to be a "part" of you. Some in the field call these learned habits "introjects," because they are like recordings of our parents or others that we have internalized during childhood.

Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems, a "parts work" approach to interior change, has expressed reservations about using the term "introject" to describe these internal scripts. He prefers to avoid the term because it implies that certain parts of a person's psyche, particularly those that are perceived as negative or harmful, are foreign entities that we have internalized from external sources.

Our parts can sometimes be disruptive or harmful, but once they’re unburdened, they return to their essential goodness. - Richard Schwartz

Schwartz's perspective in IFS is to view all parts of the psyche as fundamentally belonging to the individual, even if they have adopted extreme or protective roles due to external influences or trauma.

But I came across an approach to parts work years ago called the Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy (DNMS).

In a stark contrast to IFS, Shirley Jean Schmidt (the developer) states that introjects are key to understanding and healing many of our parts. And the protocol she uses for emotional healing involves treating the introject as a mask or costume that has "covered up" a part of self, and that the part is acting out involuntarily or only with partial will.

When someone is significantly hurtful, the brain records their wounding message. That recording sticks to a wounded part—a maladaptive introject—who does not like it, want it, need it, animate it, or control it. -Shirley Jean Schmidt

Here is another illustration of showing how repeatedly being around a mother who is in a depressed, numb, helpless state can actually rub off on the child.

Unmasking the Part Wearing the Introject

In Schmidt's approach, the first step is to recognize that there is a part of you stuck wearing a costume or mask of the parental introject. The beauty of this image is that it honors Schwartz' reservations while also recognizing the fact that this "script" does not fit with your holy desires and Christian values for how to live and love like Christ.

Just like a ghost costume, it is an emotional reaction/behavior that is external to who you really are and what your core values are. And just like a mask or costume, it is something that can be removed or transformed.

Once you find the little one under the costume, then you can proceed to connect with that part of you and dialogue with it. This part of you either has a particular age (if this was wired in during a one time big emotional event) or age range (if this was wired in due to repetitive instances over a period of time).

Gently, you want to uncover the underlying needs and emotions that are keeping the part bound to the introject. Often, these stem from unmet developmental needs or past traumas. By addressing these needs directly, the client can begin to release the costume or mask (introject) and integrate the part with their inmost self.

More on Practical Application

The process I am describing is a simple visualization exercise. However, this exercise can be adjusted for those who have difficulty with visual imagery. One can also think of introjects as recordings, or a part of you playing the recording when triggered by certain situations.

When using imagery, here is a quick summary:

1. Imagine the part of you that is acting out the introject as wearing a costume (or mask).

2. Start a dialogue between the part with the costume and your adult self. This can be done through journaling or role-playing exercises in therapy. By giving the part a voice and allowing it to express its needs and fears, you can develop a deeper understanding and compassion for that part, which is essential for integration and healing.

3. Let the part of you under the costume know that he/she is good, and that you see the difference between him/her and the parent costume. Let this sink in and bring much needed relief. Often, these parts did not mean to develop this habit, and feel guilt/shame about acting it out for all these years.

4. It is important to ask if the part is willing to remove the costume, or if it likes or needs the costume in some way. Much of the time, parts really dislike the costume and want to take it off right away. However, there are many many reasons a part might be hesitant to let it go. For example, a part may hold on to a harsh critical parent costume because it seems to have provided motivation to gain something (like success) or to avoid something (like social embarrassment, or to avoid having an impulsive reckless side of you come out). You may need to spend some time reassuring the part that you don't need the costume anymore.

Other examples of resistance:

• Fear of Vulnerability: A part might think the costume protects them from getting hurt or judged. They might worry that without it, they'll be more exposed to criticism. Reassure this part that the adult self can keep them safe and that it's okay to be vulnerable.
• Identity Confusion: A part might feel its worth is tied to the costume, like always being the caretaker. It might fear losing its identity without this role. Help this part see that it can have a new, healthier role while still feeling valued.

5. Visualize removing the costume and seeing what the part looks like underneath. You can have the part recognize that what used to seem like a scary or weighty thing is actually just an empty, hollow costume with no weight to it. It's threatening message has no significance, just like a costume loses its scariness once you realize it is only a costume. And again, the part underneath is actually good, and can be further unburdened and integrated inside.

Removing the Mask for good

I see this intervention be effective time and again. I do want to acknowledge that for some clients this process can be complex and difficult, with a need to strengthen the self before hand, as well as encountering more complexity working through resistances. However, it is possible that a simple imagery exercise like this can help a person integrate an emotional habit learned from a parent within a matter of days, hours, or even minutes.

Peace,

Dr. Marcel