Softening blocks to inner healing

Don't break through defenses, work with them

Part of you wants to heal, to change, to finally get seen and unstuck. However, there is another part of your heart that can vehemently resist! In this article, we'll first look at how to recognize a defense, then talk about the insight of working with vs. against it.

Blocks to inner healing can be recognized by a sudden onset of:

• despair
• skepticism
• doubt
• stubbornness
• distraction
• numbness

If they could talk, they might say:

• "Don't go there!"
• "Stop meddling!"
• "This is hopeless!"
• "You'll never change!"
• "You're heart is messed up; you can't trust it!"

Other defenses may be more anxiety-based or avoidance-based. Anxiety-based defenses hi-jack the intellect and include:

• worry
• ruminating - constantly trying to figure out what is wrong or how to "fix it"
• the "inner critic" or harsh self-talk
• scrupulosity or obsessions
• anxiety loops - anxiety about anxiety that can lead to panic attacks or depersonalization / numbing

You can recognize these because they spend a lot of mental energy without bearing fruit. It feels like your mind is constantly spinning its wheel without going anywhere. This is in contrast to how we are meant to treasure things in the reflective side of our hearts, much like Our Blessed Mother.

Regardless, it is hard to be patient with one's own defenses. You may get frustrated and try to ram through them.

Now for the key insight: it is important to honor and even thank these inner defenses, because they have worked so hard to guard your heart from further pain, failure, or loss. This goes along with another key insight into inner healing: that healing takes place through interior compassion, curiosity, and validation.

What does this look like practically? Well, after an initial friendly greeting of your defense:

"Hello Ms. Obsessive," or

"I appreciate you Mr. Critic,"

you can move on to validating what is good in their perspective:

"You've tried so hard to help me avoid mistakes, and have given me a temporary sense of control," or

"You've worked hard to help me be good enough so I can feel safe from rejection."

Rather than outright rejection of these inner defenses, it can often be helpful to find ways to soften them, or to influence them to change their roles in your emotional life. For example, one client changed a sharp inner critic related to body image into a concerned guardian of bodily health. Another changed an emotional wall to an emotional gate.

This is like retraining an employee rather than firing them. (See the short article on integrative writing to learn more).

At the spiritual level, defensive parts of your heart have misconceptions and distortions of their God image, making it hard for grace to enter into those places most in need of healing. For example, a scrupulous mindset may view God the Father as harsh and punitive. A tough inner guardian may view Jesus as weak or distant. It is important to explore these misconceptions and bring the truth to these parts of your heart. In fact, bringing your defenses directly to God can lead to breakthroughs both emotionally and spiritually.

Do not get discouraged by your inner defenses. Be patient with them, validate them, and kindly offer them a different way of responding. Reassure them, and yourself, that you can handle the greater vulnerability that makes healing possible.

Peace to you on your healing journey.