Sr Miriam James Loved as I am

Key Insight and Notes

Sr. Miriam James Heidland, SOLT, has been at the forefront of promoting Catholic inner healing in recent years. Her book Loved As I Am, is her personal testimony and reflections on the heart's journey through brokenness to restoration.

Her writing shows how the Catholic worldview can offer immense wisdom that can guide one toward inner healing of deep wounds related to abandonment, abuse, addiction, lust, depression, perfectionism, and personal loss. Her testimony shows how a woman's heart can respond to these things.

The overarching insight that guides Sr. Miriam's beautiful writing:

LOVE, not USE

• We all deserve to be loved for who we are, not used as a something.
• "Use" leads to brokenness, marked by hidden shame, defenses, and addiction.
• Our hearts are made for intimacy and communion. They can be restored to the right order of love (purity) with inner healing.

I love how Sr. Miriam weaves her poignant personal testimony of abuse/addiction and recovery/restoration with insightful quotes and teachings from

• Sacred Scripture
• C. S. Lewis' Narnia series
• Pope John Paul II
• The Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Here are some other key insights from the book:

1. We are all created for love: Sr. Miriam emphasizes that each of us is created in God's image and likeness, and we are all beloved children of God. No matter our past mistakes, hurts, or struggles, we are worthy of love and acceptance.
2. Healing and transformation are possible: Sr. Miriam shares her own journey of healing from past wounds and brokenness, and encourages readers to seek help and support in their own journey towards healing and wholeness. She emphasizes that with God's grace and the support of others, we can experience transformation and growth in our lives.
3. Forgiveness is key to freedom: Forgiveness is a central theme in the book, and Sr. Miriam shares her own struggles with forgiving others and herself. She emphasizes that forgiveness is a choice that leads to freedom and peace, and that it is only possible through God's grace and the support of others.
4. We are called to live in community: Sr. Miriam stresses the importance of living in authentic community with others who share our values and beliefs. She encourages readers to find supportive and encouraging relationships, whether it be through family, friends, or a faith community.
5. God's love is unconditional: Throughout the book, Sr. Miriam reminds readers that God's love is unconditional and infinite, and that we are never too far gone or too broken to receive it. She encourages readers to trust in God's mercy and love, and to allow it to transform their lives.

Quotes from the Book

Here are some quotes from the book to give you a sense of how vulnerable, soulful, and earnest Sr. Miriam is in her writing:

If using people were the path to happiness, our world would be a complete utopia. - p. 51

"As I sat there and stared at my socks, I was heartbroken and confused, feeling completely stripped of anything good, true, or beautiful. After the abuse, something within me died, or at least fell into a deep sleep. I realize now that it was hope and beauty that died within my little-girl heart that day. No one saw what had happened to me, and no one came to rescue me." - p. 48

"In our hearts, we all long for a better way. We long for safety, refuge, and belonging. We long for goodness, love, and peace. Because of God and his love for us, there is always hope for redemption, no matter what we have done or what has been done to us. No matter where you find yourself at this moment, God is seeking you and desiring to heal you and restore you." - p. 41

Was I a bad person? Was I evil? No and no. I was just sick on many levels and unable to heal or fix myself. It’s true on a certain level that I did want to stop drinking, but I wasn’t ready to face the deeper pain that drove my addiction. Addictions are usually a feeble attempt to escape emotional pain in our lives. We learn disordered ways of running from and dealing with pain, but it still remains. p. 46

In the midst of things we wish would never happen, Jesus shows up and redeems our hearts. pp. 62-63

Pondering again those inner healing prayer sessions, I realize that for most of my life I felt both God the Father and my own biological father (whom I’d never met) had abandoned me. Those lifelong wounds, in addition to the wounds of abuse, had caused me much pain and sorrow. In living out of those wounds, I had often grasped at unhealthy, broken relationships with men in an attempt fill my need for affirmation and soothe the pain of feeling abandoned and rejected. But using men and allowing them to use me didn’t solve the problem. - p. 73

Deep underlying pain drove much of my numbing addiction to alcohol and was the gateway to all the years of cold lust that I lived. But there were many other areas of my heart that I had simply allowed to become numb and cold to avoid the pain of very strong emotions. As I began to recover, those parts of my heart became warm again, and it was painful to face the feelings. After living so many years with a frozen heart, letting in real love with all its triumphs and tragedies seemed overwhelming. pp 78-79

These quotes offer insight into Sr. Miriam's personal journey of faith and her message of hope and healing for others.

Reference:

Heidland SOLT, Miriam James. Loved as I Am. Ave Maria Press. Kindle Edition.