7 desires of every heart - Mark & Debra Laaser

"The Seven Desires of the Heart" is a book written by Mark and Debra Laaser that explores the seven desires that drive human behavior. In the book, the Laasers argue that by understanding these desires, individuals can achieve greater self-awareness, improve their relationships, and ultimately find greater fulfillment in life. Here's a summary of the seven desires of the heart:

Key Insights

• Understanding our deepest desires and how they drive us can unlock richer relationships with God, self, and others
• Many of our emotional scripts and personality parts are organized around unmet needs from childhood.
• After we discover the unmet desire(s), we can heal and take a more mature approach to fulfilling those desires now.
• We have these desires in common. Rather than problematic sources of shame they unite us at the level of the heart.
• Use the images below to discover which desire you struggle with....

Our hearts desire to be:

1. Heard and understood - really listened to at the level of the heart

2. Affirmed - being observed by others and acknowledged, approved (vs. criticized)

3. Blessed - someone being moved by our lovability and loving us without us having to do (like Conrad Baars' definition of affirmation)

4. Safe - physically and emotionally...leads to freedom to explore the world, take risks

5. Touched - healthy nonsexual touch that communicates love and support

6. Chosen - to be selected, desired, seen as attractive, likable, valued, worthy

7. Included - to belong to a community, to fit in and be part of something bigger, socially invited not excluded (leads to social confidence rather than social anxiety)

Using the 7 desires to examine places where we need healing

Use these images to ponder which of the desires you have experienced difficulty with. Read more below to reflect with how life experiences can result in desire-related wounds.

How can are the 7 desires related to emotional wounds?

Things happen in life, especially growing up, that leave these desires frustrated and unmet. A part of us can stay stuck holding on to these feelings and unmet needs in a hidden manner - much like an iceberg has hidden mass under the surface. Current situations trigger these hidden pockets of emotion, causing us to respond to the current situation in self-defeating ways learned in the past. For example, not getting invited to something today not only hurts us in the present but also triggers unmet inclusion needs stored up from the past. We can "throw a tantrum" before realizing we're acting like a 3 year old. This could also explain why we never share or over-share in a group setting - that could stem from an unmet desire to be heard and listened to.

Unmet developmental needs from childhood can affect us spiritually. A faithful Catholic may have difficulty feeling chosen by God the Father because she had a difficult relationship with her own father - who always seemed to choose her sister over her.

Once you become aware of the past origins of your struggles with a certain desire, you can do the inner healing work to free you of any identity lies, or false beliefs, that may be affecting your heart. Then you can move forward making a different choice when you are faced with the "problem" of meeting the desire in the present.

If you are interested in learning more, read the book for a reflective, meditative, scripture-based perspective on these things. If you are interested in healing your own unique hurts related to these desires, feel free to get in touch or set up a consult. Peace.